"dead computer."
5:44 p.m. & 2004-01-02

my computers been dead for quite a while and well, frankly, i havent needed to write anything "private" lately. Ive got my best friend to tell everything too, its good to have him back.. in more ways than one.. wow..it feels like i havent written in here for like EVA! jeez. well, theres nothing really exciting about me to talk about. ive been doing the obbessed band geek ritual of practicing EVERY day...for like an hour and a half ive been drilling my area music, practically beating myself over the head with my sheet music (not that it hurts much), but still. This whole "state goal" seems so far beyond distant. I wanted it so bad, and for once i thought it would motivate me enough to practice hard enough for my music to become "state material" BOY was i in for a surprise. Its really not as easy as it seems. *sigh* for for the moment, i have really incredible ppl in my life that motivate me in other ways besides the typical "get off your ass and practice or your not gonna make state" attitude, instead, they tell me that i can practice and im gonna play my best at area cometition no mater what. Even if its not the state material it can be...its still work i guess i can be proud of. If i dont get state, im not gonna lie, its gonna be a complete downer for me, but...in time i have to realize that im not pursuing my career in music, this isnt a loss of a win. Yea, it'd be so completely beyond awsome to make state...but if i dont..i guess i'll know why. Im still shooting for state.. dont get me wrong...im just not going to kill myself over this. And believe me..its possible that for someone like me, to not make state for allllll the work ive put in...it WILL kill me to not have this. Im determined, and usually thats all ive ever needed. I guess ill just go out there and do my best.

Enough of that! My car is on prhobation AGAIN..its not my fault. New Years Eve, i was driving my family on the north side and some crazy guy hit the side of my car. It was SOOOO not my fault...but the police bastard wouldnt cite anyone. So my car lies in peace in my drive way, while some crazy mescican (mexican) is somewhere. (he didnt speak english, but he had U.S. plates...im not convinced he's american enough) So now i have to goto court...more than likely ill have to dress up and be proper. WHY THE HELL is this my fault!!! i didnt hit anyone...the guy hit me!! poor car. poor insurance. if they find me "guilty" then they're gonna make me pay the deductables. *profanity* *GIANT profanity* ERRRR. This ALL means, im outta a car for a while. i was just becoming so freaking attached to that thing. What did i do to deserve that! oh well. my parents werent mad at me, and no one was hurt. We went to the stupid new years party and *blah* Happy new years everybody. *haha* I spent mine on the phone with a special sombody...which made new years the best..even if my car has a mother huge dent on the left side now. *tear* I was dragged outta town outta state to louisiana..that sucked SOOO much. i hate "family trips" much less, to his side of the familys places. *bleh* i care not to explain anymore. Uhm...yea, my computer died. So im using our really oldschool computer, which sucks cuz none of my blink stuff, or pictures, or music, OR ANYTHING is on here. im screwed. and bored. ok, no more computer...im tired and my tummy hurts. All ive done all day is watch Wild boyz, Viva la bam, and Rosanne. Im sick of being home. i miss my car. and andy. *haha* im going crazy in this house!! laterz taterz!!

then || now

Miss Anything?

lost in space - 2005-06-12
look what happens when your happy. - 2005-01-29
everydrawing that i drew was never ever true to you - 2004-12-26
New Home - 2004-08-25
rip carter - 2004-08-16