"...and then"
5:13 p.m. & 2004-05-25

and then someone opened the book to read the pages that were written. They gasped and they shuttered to think that this tiny tortured soul could live through all this without already spilling her life on the bathroom floor. The girl had always wondered what the world would be like without her...i guess now her wish will come true. Leaving far beyond the horizons she will go...and in spite of those who say they would keep in touch, she always knew they would lie anyways. For friendships that are lost will never be same, and a life without those friendships...you can only guess.

So we open the book one more time to glance loosly at the pages. Some torn, with frail edges, others written in the most properest of ways as to embody them in her soul as the great memories of when everything was almost a fairytale. Fiarytales dont come true...nor do dreams. If you want something, you needa stand up and take it. This chapter of my life is over now, with less than 48 hours to go. Its time to close the pages...and maybe leave behind some of the horrible memories that many ppl thoughtfully placed in there. HOw about some thoughtful words to leave this time...

To my wonderful friend, and yes, she is my friend, i DO know how to desphifer (sp?) what a friend is now, thanks to andy. A friend wouldnt deliberalty hurt me in ways such as the ones he did. You go with your "friends" and i hope they're there for you in college. Amy has been a huge help this year in so much. Well, both amys to be politically correct. Gosh, what would i have done at the football games without my stupid (Amy) Molina. There are so many thanks that i could not ever put in a yearbook for what little amy has done for me. Leslee who never let me cry alone and sat there while i cryed at night during my very first breakup who would rather see me laughing and being my oh-so-stupid self then to see me not talking at all. To joe for always trying to hit on me and making me feel like i was a piece of meat, yea, you were right, i did like it in some wierd odd way. To Vanessa, my all time homie who would fix my hair when it was hopeless, who made me feel like the punk version of Cinderella, You made it worth going to all those stupid band dances. Roger, Hugo, Jerry, and raul...what would i have done without the humor of you guys, it was always smiles and no problems with you guys. AND..to my best friend Andy, where would i be without your wonderful parting graduation yearbook comments? I wouldnt know if i was your best friend or not from them since i can't make the diffrence out between a friend and an aquantince. If all you can put in my senior yearbook from out of the past 4 years is what has happened in the last 3 months...then...you dont know what a friendship is. If you think friends are ppl you make out with that are underage and have only known them for about a semester, give or take, then i guess you DO know what a friend is. If being a friend is always making the other end seem so utterly stupid just to make youself look higher, then i guess you do know what a friend is. IF you throw away years of heart and actual love and feeling away in an eyeblink because of some spur-of-the-moment crush...then...you dont know anything. Im just so sickened by your actions lately that im fed up, and tired...and you will get what you deserve...just like i did...

Before i let the tears overwhelm me, i say this. Never let people get the best of you....in the end a friend is only the enemy you never thought you had to worry about. Thank you andy, for the best of my years...

-Vanessa

then || now

Miss Anything?

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everydrawing that i drew was never ever true to you - 2004-12-26
New Home - 2004-08-25
rip carter - 2004-08-16