"grad party"
2:51 p.m. & 2004-05-30

graduations over...im just a regular person now...but at least im loaded. i got about $650 from everyone from the party last night. I bet your wondering what im gonna blow it on. OK, yea, i know this money is for college and all...but..COME ON! *haha* im going to f***ing warp tour! woooo!! I already told my parents and stuff. they just shrugged and said whatever. i can spend about $100 there. :) i think i deserve a little recreation. Anyways..everyones gone and yea...with little brother gone...i have no ones to fight with. Ive been stuck playing shockwave games HAHA..boredom will kill me...and make me fat. i had a soda fest yesterday and..wooo..that was so not good. i drank like 5 sodas one after the other, needless to say..i was up till 4 in the morning. :D *ZZZzzz* im awake though..all parts of my body i think. My rigorous diet begins tommarrow. :S *ugh* i really have to. theres no two ways about it. Lots of water, 3 sodas alotted fri-sun (1 per day) walking in the morning, bike riding in the evening, and well...uhm, swimming. hah! i like swimming. Hopefully i can lose some wieght over summer instead of gain some. ;) so yeps..i think im gonna take Amy Molina to warp tour with me. Were gonna have mega fun and yea. Maybe we can take a bus up there...and uhm..have one of my aunts or uncles rent us a hotel. :O OOOooo snaps! *haha* im making all these plans and getting all excited and who knows if shes gonna be able to go. :P but yea..never the less..this is gonna be awsome. just me and her..taking on warp tour. :P woohoo.

As you can see, im feeling a little better, i dont know if its the caffiene running through my body or the fact that...i havent seen certain ppl in like 4 days..or even heard from him i mean...them. stupid band ppl. Ive been trying to help vanessa and oscar get back together, but the dumb bastard is so freaking thinkheaded. He's just like every other guy. AND believe me..they're all the same! She's right and hes wrong, and he wont admit it. it might even kill him to admit it. Nevertheless it killed their relationship. I cant seem to make him understand that she didnt hurt him...hes hurting himself. All that happened was bad miscommunication. *wears santa hat* COMMUNTICATION IS THE BASIS OF A RELATIONSHIP! sorry...that was so sophomore year. :P it was an inside joke. Amy molina wrote me a note during graduation..and by golly that thing made me cry...i think thats when it kinda made sense that it was over for me..but at the end of it she wrote.."i always thought the new BLink182 cd described you and Andy". Well that night i pulled out the lyrics sheet and read through all the lyrics. decoding them, thinking them through..and i realized that every song in there did represent us in some way. It was back and forth..you had the sweet sappy were gonna be together forever song like "feeling this", and everything that happened to us last summer. Then you had the confusion of it all where i knew i loved him, butinever knew how to say it, "stockholm syndrome", to my over powering accusations about him likeing other gurls but telling me he still liked me.."obvious". Lets not forget those times we just wanted to start over again.."Always", And my current favorite song off the album, "heres your letter" which descibes me, and my fight to save what we had even though i knew it was too late. Ill never forget some of those bus rides that i took with him, where i felt so special, and how "down" can tell that story for me. What about me and my undying love for him.."all of this" and the fact that i always thought id never be able to go on with out him, "im lost without you" Miss you tells both our storys how i wanted romance and how he always found something that was wrong with us. "violence" is what i felt when he started-- doing what he did to me. "Go" is how i felt when i knew he was going out with a pathetic freshman. (im cool with it now. Ill let him screw another life into the ground) "asthenia" for all those confusing times where getting over him was just so hard...the doubts, the what ifs, the should i's....im the "easy target" , the fall back if you wish..just another someone to fall back on if his little escapades dont work out...See...she was right..the cd is my memory book of everything good and bad that happened between us. Its just too bad he had to end it like this. According to him...fixing things are as easy as buyig me a card...

i bet they are..

it's too late

to save me

your too late

your too late..

-Vanessa

then || now

Miss Anything?

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