"to hell with you :)"
2:50 a.m. & 2004-07-16

"im not sad cuz i fell for him, im sad cuz i fell over him...and stayed there..waiting for him to pick me up..while i sat there and made sure that he would never get hurt...i sat there telling myself it was all my fault..not knowing that he could never see what i saw..and that hurts."

excerpt from summer 2003 revelations

Its scary to think that i could see it along. And yet, i never had the courage to just "stop" and give it up. i had to keep going. i guess i can say that really..i ultimately didnt wanna start over. i mean..yea..i guess i didnt wanna admit to myself that it was all for nothing. More than anything..i see this now, that the hurt that i feel isnt because im not with him, or because hes with some other bitch (note the *other part) this chick that thinks shes knows him doesnt even like me and i can bet her two freaking cents that she doesnt know why she doesnt like me. For all i care..she can end up dead tommrrow and i wouldnt even take a second glance. not because shes going out with that guy but because i used to be able to talk to her, and joke around with her, but now all she sees is whatever bullshit lies the "elders" told her. Sweety, ya got a LOT to learn, good riddance to you. I dont like ppl who dont know what the hell thier talking about and half the time are talking outta their ass.. HEY! itd be fine and dandy if she had a personal little diary or journal just like me (haha!) to bitch and complain about how much she doesnt like me for X-reasons..but no. she goes and tells one of my friends Why i was there..*rolling her eyes* Well..heres a simple truth ..I WAS WITH THE BAND! and for roxy..haha..hope she had fun with gus though. *HAHAHAHHAHA* anyways..ive had that on my chest for like yea..a while..its all cool..i mean..i can say whatever the F!@# i want in here. ITS MY JOURNAL!! *hahahahaha* In fact i could post of the list of gurls **** was most likely masterbating to in his head if i wanted to. but ..eh... thats a little gross..and believe me..my journal is not for grossness...its for insulting ppl that deserve it..and to write my anger down, instead of cutting it into my arm! *cheers and goodnight*

megadeth-trust

-Vanessa

then || now

Miss Anything?

lost in space - 2005-06-12
look what happens when your happy. - 2005-01-29
everydrawing that i drew was never ever true to you - 2004-12-26
New Home - 2004-08-25
rip carter - 2004-08-16